I wonder how it could be? How could it be that my life can be as it is? You ever wonder that about yourself? Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to God for all he has done in my life. But, I have this underlying question in the hidden part of my heart. "How could it be?" I never had dreamed this life up. My dream life was to have a wife, sons and daughters. Family was the greatest thing I desired since my high school days. To be a father and be called dad. To watch my sons play sports and be able to brag about how great they were. I wanted my daughters to play sports, sing and act. I would go to their recitals and be very proud. My wife and I would enjoy each other and make a difference in the lives of our children and also in the lives of those in the world. We would reach out and together our family would change the world. Somewhere this dream has only proved to be a nightmare.
I sit after watching the Sean Goldman story on Dateline. Sean was abducted by his mother and kept in Brazil for years. For some time he has been reunited with his father who had fought long and hard to bring his son home. I had signed up on the Bring Sean Home website a few years ago in support David Goldman's cause to bring his son Sean home. I prayed that there would be a happy ending. They are together and that is a blessing.
I really felt joy watching the Dateline special about the reunited father and son, but I also felt sadness and great loss. Thus my question, "How could it be?" How could blessing of family have eluded me so? I don't know if I have the answer, God knows the answer. So for now, I just rejoice to see fathers and their sons. For now, I will find comfort seeing fathers and their daughters. For now, I smile at husbands with their wives. For now, I will rest in my life as it is. Living with the underlying question in the hidden part of my heart, "How could this be?"