Thursday, June 28, 2012
I Want Out
I am at a crises moment as never before. Why does it matter? Why do I care what anybody thinks? I hate it when people are in my business. I am infuriated. I burn with fury, a deep and intense anger. Who do I lash out at? Who do I confront? If I wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities how do I attack them? I am sinking deeper and deeper in this mire. I hate this life and the circumstances surrounding it. I am experiencing a violent rage brewing underneath my calm demeanor. I feel like I am going to explode. I want to scream. I want to yell but who do I scream and yell at? Who is the object of this rage? How much of this can I take? When is this going to be over? I don't see a way for it to end. I have jumped through hoops I have ran every course asked. I have climbed that mountain and swam that sea. What more do I do? How much more do I take of this? I am losing me in this. I am losing this thing. I am at a breaking point. I don't know where this is leading. I don't know. I am losing, I am losing, I am trying to fight, to hold on. I am tired of fighting every day. I am weary of the mental and emotional battle. I am ready to let go. I am being overcome by this thing. I am perplexed. I want out. I want out now!