This is Summer

This is summer when the sun is shinning bright. This is summer when the beaches are full. This is summer when I embrace the hour that it is. When I can see the sun and feel the sandy beach. This is summer to me. Now you may or may not like the summer, but I really love it and if I had my way it would be summer all year round. Are you with me on that?

War On My Mind

There is a war raging. Trying to keep my head up but the forces of the enemy kingdom are fierce. I just want it all to cease but it continues to browbeat me no matter where I look. Lies, lies and more lies. I war against these devils but they keep coming back. Soon as I stomp them down they come back. When will this war end? Can I ever rest from fighting? God, I ask for your help. You are my only hope. You are my only defense against this war on my mind.

I Want Out

I am at a crises moment as never before. Why does it matter? Why do I care what anybody thinks? I hate it when people are in my business. I am infuriated. I burn with fury, a deep and intense anger. Who do I lash out at? Who do I confront? If I wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities how do I attack them? I am sinking deeper and deeper in this mire. I hate this life and the circumstances surrounding it. I am experiencing a violent rage brewing underneath my calm demeanor. I feel like I am going to explode. I want to scream. I want to yell but who do I scream and yell at? Who is the object of this rage? How much of this can I take? When is this going to be over? I don't see a way for it to end. I have jumped through hoops I have ran every course asked. I have climbed that mountain and swam that sea. What more do I do? How much more do I take of this? I am losing me in this. I am losing this thing. I am at a breaking point. I don't know where this is leading. I don't know. I am losing, I am losing, I am trying to fight, to hold on. I am tired of fighting every day. I am weary of the mental and emotional battle. I am ready to let go. I am being overcome by this thing. I am perplexed.  I want out. I want out now!

How Could It Be?

 

I wonder how it could be? How could it be that my life can be as it is? You ever wonder that about yourself? Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to God for all he has done in my life. But, I have this underlying question in the hidden part of my heart. "How could it be?" I never had dreamed this life up. My dream life was to have a wife, sons and daughters. Family was the greatest thing I desired since my high school days. To be a father and be called dad. To watch my sons play sports and be able to brag about how great they were. I wanted my daughters to play sports, sing and act. I would go to their recitals and be very proud. My wife and I would enjoy each other and make a difference in the lives of our children and also in the lives of those in the world. We would reach out and together our family would change the world. Somewhere this dream has only proved to be a nightmare.

I sit after watching the Sean Goldman story on Dateline. Sean was abducted by his mother and kept in Brazil for years. For some time he has been reunited with his father who had fought long and hard to bring his son home. I had signed up on the Bring Sean Home website a few years ago in support David Goldman's cause to bring his son Sean home. I prayed that there would be a happy ending. They are together and that is a blessing.


I really felt joy watching the Dateline special about the reunited father and son, but I also felt sadness and great loss. Thus my question, "How could it be?" How could blessing of family have eluded me so? I don't know if I have the answer, God knows the answer. So for now, I just rejoice to see fathers and their sons. For now, I will find comfort seeing fathers and their daughters. For now, I smile at husbands with their wives. For now, I will rest in my life as it is. Living with the underlying question in the hidden part of my heart, "How could this be?"

I'm Trying But...

I'm trying but it's not easy. You ever just want to make a difference in the world and in the lives of others, but at the end of the day, no matter how much you accomplish, it's never enough? It's like you never complete the work. It's as if you keep working and working and never get paid. Building the building and never reaching the top. I don't know what it's called but the Apostle Paul said he had not attained his target, but he pressed forward. I guess in this place, it keeps us moving. Otherwise we could think we have arrived and stop the work. So having received this understanding, I will rest now.I have been spent for the benefit of others. I have lost for the sake of others. I have taken the backseat so others can ride shot gun. Yeah, I'm trying, but it's not easy.

Heal My Heart

You ever have a great day? I mean a really great day? I mean you nailed it, you hit the bulls eye? But afterward, you come down from your high and now you are at a low. Have you experienced this? I sort of feel this way. Yeah, what good is a great victory if you have no one to share it with? It's like a so what effect. Yeah, what a waste almost. So you fight this great battle, you slay the giant. So you swim the deepest ocean and climb the highest mountain. At the end of the day you want to share all your joy and enthusiasm with someone. You want to tell the story and how you felt. You want to share your moment of victory. But when you are alone, it's just you and there you sit and from there you come down from your high mountain and sink into your valley. So I pray, heal my heart Lord. I ask God to help me because I am weak. I am worn and I am just me. My rejoicing has turned to tears. Funny in a way now that I think of it, yet real. Yeah, I had a great day!

Free as a Bird

Look at this bird. I took this photo one aternoon at Jack London Square. This bird is not worried about anything. It is at peace and doing what it does best, looking for food. Imagine if we could be just as the birds, worried about nothing and at peace. Consider just doing what we do besty. Wow, life would be great! -Coach Henry